Please God in Heaven Let Bill Frist Win the Republican Nomination:
Because, really, how hard would it be to win against a guy who literally kills kittens:

"Desperate, obsessed with my work, I visited the various animal shelters in the Boston suburbs, collecting cats, taking them home, treating them as pets for a few days, then carting them off to the lab to die in the interests of science. And medicine. And health care. And treatment of disease. And my project.

"It was, of course, a heinous and dishonest thing to do, and I was totally schizoid about the entire matter. By day, I was little Billy Frist, the boy who lived on Bowling Avenue in Nashville and had decided to become a doctor because of his gentle father and a dog named Scratchy. By night, I was Dr. William Harrison Frist, future cardiothoracic surgeon, who was not going to let a few sentiments about cute, furry little creatures stand in the way of his career. In short, I was going a little crazy."

Or, short version: "Hi, I'm Bill Frist. I'm crazy, schizo, and I like to treat lab animals as pets before dissecting them. And I'd like to be your president."


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